When you can't sleep at night.

When you can't sleep at night.

“Here in this world I’m awaked with mistakes, but its love that keeps fueling me…
Fueling me.
Pretty little lady with your swollen eyes, would you show them to me?
I know I’m not that perfect, but you stay awhile baby, then you will see.
Miles away I can still feel you lay your head down on my embrace…
My embrace
Far away…
Pretty little lady with your swollen eyes, Would you show them to me?
I know I’m not that perfect, But you stay awhile Baby, then you will see
Don’t give up, Baby. I know that its shaky Just let love consume us
Consume us…” (Of Mice& Men~ When You can’t sleep at night)
If I was to belong to someone who loved me so… I wonder what that would be like to meet them face to face. It makes my heart stutter to think about the look that would lay in their eyes as they gazed upon me personally. With me staring back. With nothing but the moment between us.
I can’t help but swallow the feeling down back into my chest, push down the uncertainty that creeps up every brief instance I think about the future. If I were never to find my angel I would never know those tender moments that can only be described as the sustenance and reasoning for existence. It’s those moments that it makes me believe in this day for that tomorrow that will happen. Someone that loves unconditionally,with a ferocious protection strong enough to decimate all other threats to walk in the way. A kindness that surpassed the understanding of me and far exceeded anything that I could imagine on top of that. A deepness that no one had dared to know, a deepness that would pull you in and hold you in a warm embrace. If such a soul existed they would have my all, my heart, my soul. My everything. For you cannot give half of something that cannot be broken in capable hands. Impossible would it be to break my whole soul, strong heart, and overwhelming all-consuming love. As long as there was direction, we could grow as the flowers do, traveling and winding through gardens, up mountain sides and inside fire lit hearths in cozy homes. Any and every where. Strong, and hearty yet fragile and soft tended with the highest amount of care….
… I’ll stop my crazy dreaming because if such a person were to exist, they would not come to me of all the people in the wide world. They would do far better, and succeed in helping someone else exist. Holding their heart within their hands and keeping the steady beat in time and continuing on with a purpose.
If I were to be gifted by such a moment… to know such a love… my dreams would forever be consumed, my heart forever filled, and my life forever given a direction. It’s such a simple wish, and one that I hold to for this moment and forever on. I wish to be so in love, to love someone so much, and be loved in return, that the rest of my life would be an adventure worth traveling and uncovering each precious second. I know I am capable of loving in such a way, but I’m not sure if I will ever be loved the same. If someone is capable of doing that. If I could ever be loved.
To know love; not infatuation or lust… what a moment that would be.